just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
