just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
