he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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