I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
