I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
