you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize