I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
