I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
