Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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