dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The air taste purple.
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