I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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