Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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