I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
