Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
