Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
