chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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