I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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