The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
