I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
