My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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