I don't usually arrange sex via text message
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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