dude i'm inner monologue high
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
