So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
