You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
