I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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