True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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