we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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