I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Help. Why am I so naked?
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