it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
