im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
