I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
