u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
