I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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