Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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