that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
