i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That accounts for only three of the penises
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize