so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
