why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
