she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
