He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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