He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
