i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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