YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
