You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
