And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
