last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
