You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
