we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
