this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But theres a keg here and me gusta
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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