so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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