Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
