This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
