turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize