plz talk dirty to me
i permit you to call me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
