I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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