I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
