every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
