I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
