Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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