If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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