Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My friends, they love my intelligence
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
