She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize