I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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