How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
