I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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