haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
