Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize