Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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