Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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