I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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