I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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