I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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