shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
