Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
