I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
